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I already mentioned the issues physically attractive women have in getting their shyness taken seriously. Another group that may have their dating shyness discounted is women who seem confident and adjusted around everyone else in their lives.

People will think, "Well they're so fun and outgoing around their friends, why would they ever have a problem meeting men?!?

Shy, sexually inexperienced guys also spend a ton of time worrying about how their inexperience makes them unattractive to the opposite sex.

They get good at keeping it a secret and dodging conversations where personal sex stories might come up. They fret about how they'll turn off their partner the first time they hook up by not knowing how to perform in bed.

Ironically, their fear of their inexperience getting in the way often puts up one more barrier to them getting that experience they're looking for.

I didn't put this point up with the other shyness problems that both genders face because I think women's experience of this issue is somewhat different compared to what guys go through.

First, there are different negative stereotypes in society associated with female inexperience. One is that since women supposedly have it easier in the getting sex department, if a woman is older and still hasn't done a lot physically that must mean she's really messed up and broken somehow.

A man might assume she's had a really rough childhood, or has a ton of personal baggage around dating and sex. A second harmful belief is that women tend to become clingy and emotionally attached to whoever they first gain experience with, which is an off-putting possibility for some men.

They don't want to be a woman's first, and then have her become obsessed and want to marry him. Stereotype number three is that inexperienced women are bad in bed and not worth the effort of sticking around to teach.

A fourth counterproductive concept works a bit differently. It's the opposite stereotype that some men like inexperience in a woman.

Some men see it as an indication that she's more virtuous, or emotionally healthy, or has better character. A male who's shy may feel much less intimidated by a woman who's as inexperienced as he is.

However, this has the same effect as the other 'women have it easier' beliefs; It sure stings when these supposed advantages don't play out for you in real life.

A shy, inexperienced woman may have been harshly rejected many times when men have found out she hasn't fooled around a lot, or she's still a virgin, or never had a boyfriend.

The fact that some men are drawn to women in her situation is cold comfort. If someone feels their inexperience is a problem, then they're not likely to listen to reassuring messages about how things aren't that bad.

Guys do the same thing. A shy, inexperienced woman may be told that her virginity is no big deal, and some people see that as a plus, but she won't be able to emotionally accept it.

Instead she'll go back to, for example, her frequent experience of hearing guys tell her they want to date a sweet, innocent woman, and who then proceed to Friend Zone her and go home with yet another skanky woman from a party.

When shy men complain about how their female counterparts have it easy, they're referring to how societal gender role expectations don't force women to go through the difficult, emotionally draining process of getting over their fear of approaching people they're attracted to, putting themselves on the line, and risking rejection.

I'll be the first to tell anyone this is very, very hard to do for a guy who's shy about dating. Women have to face rejection as well, and they find it just as hard to deal with.

Again, when a woman is turned down by a guy she's interested in, it's not like she just thinks, "Well technically I have it easier and could go to a club tonight and sleep with some random guy if I wanted to".

It hurts her as it would anyone else. Women do get rejected. When a man's been rejected himself several times he may feel like women can get any guy they want and never have to worry about getting turned down themselves.

That's hardly true. Women often show their interest in a guy in some way and get nothing in return: They may outright ask a guy if he wants to hang out, and get shot down.

Some guys daydream about how great it would be if women took the initiative instead of them having to do it all the time, however what they really mean is that they only want this behavior to come from someone they'd be interested in.

If just any woman does it, they may turn her away. They may hint to a guy that they'd say yes if he asked her out, only to have him obviously understand the message but then choose not to act on it.

Some guys are well aware that many women are hesitant to put themselves on the line too much, and know they can get away with pretending not to have received her hints that she's interested in him.

It allows him to avoid having to reject her more directly. They may start talking to a guy at a party, only to have him walk away after two minutes.

They may make "Come approach me" eye contact with a cute guy at a lounge, to which he sniggers and turns away.

They could be rejected in the sense that they thought a guy was interested in dating them, but he just wanted to use her for sex. As to why some women don't work as much as they could to overcome their fear of rejection and rely on letting men approach them even if the system isn't perfect, can you totally blame them?

I said earlier how hard I think it is, and how many men only learn to overcome this fear because they have no choice. Some women may also buy into the idea that it's not lady like to pursue men, and that it's the male's job to go after them.

I think if the roles were reversed and men could let women come to them, a lot of guys would be just as hesitant to take many romantic risks.

I'm Chris Macleod. I've been writing about social skills for over ten years. I was shy, awkward, and lonely until my mid-twenties and created this site to be the kind of guide I wish I'd had at the time.

I'm trained as a counselor. There's a lot you can do to improve your social skills on your own - I wouldn't have made this site if I thought otherwise.

Though I'm also a therapist and can offer in-depth, personalized help. I'm currently working with clients who live in Ontario, Canada:.

Improving Your Overall Personality. Article continues below This is because they are afraid that people wont say hi back.

But if he loves you, he will start saying hi to you, even with a smile, so that you will notice him. This is actually a way for him to make you know his presence plus it is also a way to see your smile.

Another milestone that a shy guy do is asking people to hang out with him. This is unusual because they do not like people and they are not typically the one to initiate social events.

So if he do this, although he stutters, consider yourself special. Take the offer with some enthusiasm so that he feels happy that he get out of his comfort zone.

Guys like these do not like to be spotted. So what they will do is stare at you secretely. A great way to see if he si really staring at you is by yawining or shifting your gaze to a higher point in the room.

If he mimics your act, it really means that he has been staring at you. It is easy to control what you want to say to your crush but our body will tell the truth about how we really feel.

If he fidgets a lot, gulps, blush or tap his feet a lot when he talks to you, that means he is really nervous when talking to you.

Being nervous is the signs a shy guy loves you. This is another out of character thing he will do because he loves you.

When you are in trouble or you are attacked by some people, he will suddenly stand out and defend you. He will either shoo that people away or he will shield you from an incoming harm.

Shy people do not like getting too open because they are scared this vulnerability will make a turn against them. Despite of this fear, a shy guy who loves you will open up to you.

He will start talking about his deepest fear, his childhood or what he is feeling right now. This is the highest compliment from shy people.

Doing this means that he trust you and he feels safe around you, which is the signs of love. Entertainment In the spotlight.

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Food and Wine. Here's the Secret. Entertainment Weekly. How To Make Pasta Dough. Vanity Fair. In particular I find some guys have trouble accepting this point.

Because they personally are fine with casual sex, or are feeling desperate to hook up with anyone half-decent just to get rid of their nagging inexperience, they can't imagine how someone else wouldn't value these things.

A lot of women have understandable safety concerns. They're not willing to go home with someone they just met, because they don't know if the guy will be dangerous or not once they're not in public.

This is another thing I find some guys have trouble fully comprehending, since they take a lot of their safety for granted. For some women, if they get approached a lot, but the attention is unwanted and aggressive and harassing, it may make them even more nervous and guarded around men than before.

A bigger issue with the 'let people come to you and choose from the applicants' approach is that it takes away a lot of a woman's ability to choose who she ends up with.

What if she's really interested in a particular guy, but he hasn't noticed her and isn't likely to? If she doesn't have the ability to engage him then she'll miss out on that chance.

A problem some shy women report having is that they're able to find boyfriends, but the guys who typically take the initiative to try to date them aren't the ones they're really into.

A shy woman's self-confidence may not be great and she feels she has to take whatever comes to her. This belief follows from the two above about how supposedly easy it is for women to have success with relationships.

It isn't so much articulated out loud by people as it is something they just assume. There are women in their mid-twenties and older who are totally dateable and attractive to an outside eye.

However they've only had a couple of very short-term go-nowhere relationships, or they've never had a boyfriend, or they're still virgins. In particular people can not believe that older female virgins do exist, but they are out there, and they feel especially invisible and alone and hopeless.

I already mentioned the issues physically attractive women have in getting their shyness taken seriously. Another group that may have their dating shyness discounted is women who seem confident and adjusted around everyone else in their lives.

People will think, "Well they're so fun and outgoing around their friends, why would they ever have a problem meeting men?!? Shy, sexually inexperienced guys also spend a ton of time worrying about how their inexperience makes them unattractive to the opposite sex.

They get good at keeping it a secret and dodging conversations where personal sex stories might come up. They fret about how they'll turn off their partner the first time they hook up by not knowing how to perform in bed.

Ironically, their fear of their inexperience getting in the way often puts up one more barrier to them getting that experience they're looking for.

I didn't put this point up with the other shyness problems that both genders face because I think women's experience of this issue is somewhat different compared to what guys go through.

First, there are different negative stereotypes in society associated with female inexperience. One is that since women supposedly have it easier in the getting sex department, if a woman is older and still hasn't done a lot physically that must mean she's really messed up and broken somehow.

A man might assume she's had a really rough childhood, or has a ton of personal baggage around dating and sex.

A second harmful belief is that women tend to become clingy and emotionally attached to whoever they first gain experience with, which is an off-putting possibility for some men.

They don't want to be a woman's first, and then have her become obsessed and want to marry him. Stereotype number three is that inexperienced women are bad in bed and not worth the effort of sticking around to teach.

A fourth counterproductive concept works a bit differently. It's the opposite stereotype that some men like inexperience in a woman.

Some men see it as an indication that she's more virtuous, or emotionally healthy, or has better character. A male who's shy may feel much less intimidated by a woman who's as inexperienced as he is.

However, this has the same effect as the other 'women have it easier' beliefs; It sure stings when these supposed advantages don't play out for you in real life.

A shy, inexperienced woman may have been harshly rejected many times when men have found out she hasn't fooled around a lot, or she's still a virgin, or never had a boyfriend.

The fact that some men are drawn to women in her situation is cold comfort. If someone feels their inexperience is a problem, then they're not likely to listen to reassuring messages about how things aren't that bad.

Guys do the same thing. A shy, inexperienced woman may be told that her virginity is no big deal, and some people see that as a plus, but she won't be able to emotionally accept it.

Instead she'll go back to, for example, her frequent experience of hearing guys tell her they want to date a sweet, innocent woman, and who then proceed to Friend Zone her and go home with yet another skanky woman from a party.

When shy men complain about how their female counterparts have it easy, they're referring to how societal gender role expectations don't force women to go through the difficult, emotionally draining process of getting over their fear of approaching people they're attracted to, putting themselves on the line, and risking rejection.

I'll be the first to tell anyone this is very, very hard to do for a guy who's shy about dating. Women have to face rejection as well, and they find it just as hard to deal with.

Again, when a woman is turned down by a guy she's interested in, it's not like she just thinks, "Well technically I have it easier and could go to a club tonight and sleep with some random guy if I wanted to".

It hurts her as it would anyone else. Women do get rejected. When a man's been rejected himself several times he may feel like women can get any guy they want and never have to worry about getting turned down themselves.

That's hardly true. Women often show their interest in a guy in some way and get nothing in return: They may outright ask a guy if he wants to hang out, and get shot down.

Some guys daydream about how great it would be if women took the initiative instead of them having to do it all the time, however what they really mean is that they only want this behavior to come from someone they'd be interested in.

If just any woman does it, they may turn her away. They may hint to a guy that they'd say yes if he asked her out, only to have him obviously understand the message but then choose not to act on it.

Some guys are well aware that many women are hesitant to put themselves on the line too much, and know they can get away with pretending not to have received her hints that she's interested in him.

It allows him to avoid having to reject her more directly. They may start talking to a guy at a party, only to have him walk away after two minutes.

They may make "Come approach me" eye contact with a cute guy at a lounge, to which he sniggers and turns away. They could be rejected in the sense that they thought a guy was interested in dating them, but he just wanted to use her for sex.

As to why some women don't work as much as they could to overcome their fear of rejection and rely on letting men approach them even if the system isn't perfect, can you totally blame them?

I said earlier how hard I think it is, and how many men only learn to overcome this fear because they have no choice.

Some women may also buy into the idea that it's not lady like to pursue men, and that it's the male's job to go after them. I think if the roles were reversed and men could let women come to them, a lot of guys would be just as hesitant to take many romantic risks.

I'm Chris Macleod. I've been writing about social skills for over ten years. I was shy, awkward, and lonely until my mid-twenties and created this site to be the kind of guide I wish I'd had at the time.

I'm trained as a counselor. There's a lot you can do to improve your social skills on your own - I wouldn't have made this site if I thought otherwise.

Though I'm also a therapist and can offer in-depth, personalized help. I'm currently working with clients who live in Ontario, Canada:.

Improving Your Overall Personality. Article continues below SPONSORED Free training: "How to double your social confidence in 5 minutes" On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today.

About the author I'm Chris Macleod. One-on-one support There's a lot you can do to improve your social skills on your own - I wouldn't have made this site if I thought otherwise.

Making Friends. Developmental Differences. The Process Of Improving. Getting Drained Easily. The Idea Of Having to Change. Not Fitting Into The Norm.

New Articles. Search the site. Please do not copy, reproduce, or translate any articles without permission.

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  1. Entschuldigen Sie, was ich jetzt in die Diskussionen nicht teilnehmen kann - es gibt keine freie Zeit. Aber ich werde befreit werden - unbedingt werde ich schreiben dass ich in dieser Frage denke.

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